John and Kylee: We Love Being Married

Awesome candle making date with Holland!

May is such a crazy and happy month. We start out in busy school land and end up lovely summer land. I personally had an emotional start to the month regarding some marriage stuff. It was a lot! Honestly the next few months were rough for me and our marriage. More than 18 years in and we're still learning on how to do this whole thing. We tried to talk through a lot of painful things. I don't know how successful that was, but we also tried to do things to build our marriage. From playing pickleball to date night we tried to have more positive interactions than negative ones. We both loving going out to dinner so one night in May we went to Longhorn Steakhouse and go the Wild West Shrimp (one of our favorites!). We visited John's parents which is something John always wants to do more. One night John and I went to DI for a silly date looking for the best and worst items there. We were surprised that overall the selection was better than when we were students. One day John texted me a song that he said reminded him of me. It was "All My Love" by Blake Shelton. It was so sweet it made me cry. He also let me take his spot to get a chair massage at his work. That was so nice of him!

That night Cristie Charles gave an awesome message to the YW about the outward-in vs inward-out perspective of YW. That is such an important message. It is crazy how many times I catch myself thinking about how I look doing an activity rather than just experiencing the activity.

We also played pickleball that night. I spearheaded a fight to play pickleball in the church (rather than having basketball play every morning (Mon-Sat). The stake presidency had to get involved a lot, which was weird. Like seriously they had to get in the middle of it like 5 times. I ended up in a meeting with my bishop (the rep for the basketball guys) where we had to hammer out a schedule. It was weird because he is my bishop, but he had been told my the stake presidency that they had to give us time too. We ended up taking Tuesday and Friday mornings for co-ed pickleball and Wednesday evening for ladies pickleball. The women's night has been the best and also lame occasionally. The morning group has been fun but more intense. I like playing with Miriam at the women's night. We started out with the morning schedule being a trial period. But we have consistently had more than four people which means that we needed more than one court. Prior to this we had been playing at the Provost building with one court. Trying to get a space in the large gym was a big ask it turned out.

I went to the dentist in May and got bad news. Despite being the person in the family with the best dental hygiene habits, I found out I had 4 cavities and needed to get gum graft surgery. It felt so unfair. I brush for the full two minutes morning and night while using the nicest electric toothbrush and softest bristled head. I floss and proxy brush morning and night. Unlike everyone else in my family who do a mid-job at best who are also cavity free. Unbelievable.

We are fully into the thrift shopping scene now. It is so much fun to go see what we can find and what deals we can score. We all pick out our best picks and craziest finds, cram into a changing room, and try stuff on with all of the compliments and exclamations that teenage girls can bring. It is just a ball. After Ellie's AP test I took her thrift shopping to celebrate. Holland joined in the fun too to go birthday shopping. We found some darling pieces (all second hand!). It is just too fun to go shopping with my girls.

Jenessa and I have been enjoying our Thanksgiving Point membership. It is so nice to go with her. We carpool and chat and just enjoy being with each other and our kids. We talk about easy and hard things. You wouldn't think that we would have that much in common with her having two young boys and me having 4 older girls, but the conversation flows so easily. One day in May we went to the Curiosity Museum. Darcy was so happy to circuit around on the rope bridges. She called down to me, "Mommy I want to kiss you but I am up so high!" It was darling! The kids played in the water room too. She and Sam were so giggly about the dryer. John actually took a half day that day because we had to get supplies during the work week to finish out our pool surround. We finished the path and bought plants. We're awesome!

May means that there are many end of school year events. One night Miriam had a double header of a band concert and then a choir concert. She did awesome! This is particularly noteworthy because at the end of the concerts the conductor always announces over the microphone that the parents should take their kids out for ice cream after. Umm no. It is always late and a school night. That is not happening. Well we decided that we should make an ice cream run between the two concerts. Bonus that Handals wasn't that far away from the middle school. It seemed like a good way to end her career of middle school concerts.

Ellie and John on their date. Ellie practiced driving up the canyon and they got food in Heber City.

We love matching outfits for church!

We take ice cream night pretty seriously over here.

I love when we wake up our kids, and they are sleeping in a weird position.

May also means flowers around our yard. I love them! Sometimes I get pretty discouraged because we plant so many things that don't grow. But we have just enough successes to keep coming back. The ice plants were particularly inclined to show off this year. I also really liked the iris. I never thought they were that amazing growing up, but now I think they're super beautiful. Maybe it is a part of getting older? Like now I really like celery, like a lot. Never liked it as a kid or a young adult. Also, I just spent cash dollars on a weekly pill organizer, which makes me feel elderly. But they are just so darn convenient. Getting older is really disorienting. Like who even am I?

We also hung up our shade sails, which makes me unreasonably happy. I love summer time, and one of my favorite things is eating outside. It is always a little tricky to know when to hang them up though. We want to put our large inside plants outside for the summer, but we have to wait until there is warm enough night time temps. So we don't want to shade the back windows until the large plants are outside. So it is a bit of a guessing game and a gamble because the night time temps could always dip back down.

Mother's Day was just so nice. The kids were sweet and loving even to the point of arguing who loved me most (infinity to the infinity power plus two). I enjoyed some delicious food (sausage breakfast, shrimp scampi, chocolate raspberry shakes). I received some darling cards and enjoyed watching the little girls sing in Sacrament meeting. Holland pointed to her eye to watch me. Darcy putting her hand on her heart occasionally while she sang because she was just feeling it so much. I received as presents a pickleball paddle, slide on sandals, saguaro earrings (from the kids), and face scrubbers (Miriam has since stolen one of the two pack). I loved all of the snuggles and playing Hand and Foot that evening.

On the night of Miriam's double header concerts I burned my arm. I had steamed some broccoli and was attempting to move the pot to the sink to dump out the boiling water. The handles on the pots always get hotter than you'd think so I use hot pads while carrying the pot. One of the loops on the corner of the hot pad looped around one of the grill prongs on the stove, but my momentum made me tip the boiling water all over my left wrist. Whew that hurt like the devil. I wish I had taken a picture that day or the next. I took a photo on Mother's day which is after it faded a bit. It definitely blistered and pealed. I took the aloe spray and a couple of personal fans to the concert because it was unbearable without both of those things pretty consistently. Sure makes me appreciate how much I don't have pain in my life.

Darcy also gifted me a microphone creation of her making. She's adorable.

Love making crafts with her. I mean kind of. It can be a lot sometimes, but also great.

Final choir concert for the year! Miriam loved being in acapella and chamber!

Mrs. Williams is always a fan favorite.

I swear these peonies were pink last year.

Darcy and her buddy Marta play often. I love their matching shake mustaches.

Miriam's ceramic creations at the end of the year. She gave me the heart and the mini plant pot. I love them and have taken to carrying the heart around with me. It is oddly really lovely to touch sensory wise. Smooth on one side and just a little rough on the other. Plus it reminds me of my kids' love.

Her last weeks as a preschooler went too fast.

She loves kissing Mommy.

And being silly of course.

One day I took Marta with Darcy to Thanksgiving Point. It was such a party. They loved being their together!

Fun quotes this month:

"Did you forget that I already listened to an audiobook? It was AMAZING!"

"Mommy, I am amazing-er than I sound!"

"Parents...always doing something mean." (Darcy said this with a longsuffering sigh and on Mother's Day.)

D:I have always wondered what it would be like to go to the doctor.

K: What are you talking about? You have been to the doctor lots of times.

D: I mean, go to the doctor after the day after Mother's Day.

H: Do you think I am fully mature now?

D: If you spank Holland that will just make her spank you back.

D:Why does gravity keep pulling on my hand?!

E: Pretty rough how gravity keeps affecting just you.

"Daddy, can you come talk to Mommy for a while while I do things?"

"I write so good with sharpies!" (Dry erase markers)

"Mommy can you do something very polite for me?"

"Daddy did you know that my brain can picture the movies? I can see it in my mind. I can see Lion Guard!"

"Remember that time we made the pool?"

Okay show off...

Darcy's last few weeks as a preschooler were emotional for me. I was frustrated because I was so emotional about stuff between me and John that I wasn't focusing on her like I wanted to. Not to mention that the preschool group that we had been apart of just kind of fizzled at the end. The other moms just had the kids play, which is fine I guess, but I also wanted to be enriching to her life. On the last day that I hosted preschool I was grumpy about this fact but I decided to show up for Darcy the way I wanted to no matter what other people were doing. We did the little USA craft and a lesson.

May meant that it was warm enough to de-winterize Mom's boat. This was big for us because we had never been in charge of the boat before. John was pretty opposed to us using my mom's boat. It was definitely a source of contention between us. Ultimately I said that boating was a big part of my childhood and wanted to take advantage of what my mom left to us. I miss her so much and weirdly the smell of the boat really makes me happy. John reluctantly agreed, and I don't think the whole process was miserable for him. I think at the end of the season he told me that boating ended up being neutral for him. The enjoyment didn't outweigh the hassle and stress, and the stress didn't outweigh the enjoyment. He decided that when he factored in the rest of the family that didn't feel as much stress, but did feel a lot of enjoyment that it was worth it to him to do it. I am glad that he didn't hate it. I loved it, even if it is stressful sometimes. We researched how to care for the boat and how to back up the boat which is always a thing. I came across a video that gave the advice to just turn towards the side mirror that is showing too much of the boat, and it straightens it out. Weirdly, that advice worked really well. My brother and dad remarked at how well John back up the boat. We also bought some ramps because we were nervous about the slope of the driveway. We used the ramps the first few times we drove the boat in and out of the driveway, but decided that we didn't really need them. We were able to return them and get our money back. Sweet!

But the first day we went up to my dad's house to pick up the boat. Marc met us there, where we rehooked up the recently recharged battery and put the water in the on the engine to start it. It worked! That process was longer than I would have thought, but it was fine. We then took the boat up to Willard Bay to have a picnic with Marc's family and try launching, driving, and trailering the boat. This all went well, even though it highlighted to me how much I am not accustomed to even driving the boat. We enjoyed the picnic and hanging with Marc and Miriam's family. That night was the big test to see if we could get the boat parked in our gravel parking spot successfully. It only took four attempts to get it perfect, which sounds like a lot but was way less than we anticipated. It really helped to have the RV to be able to back up into and then straighten out. I was so proud of John. He now has the resume item of being able to back up a single axle boat like a boss.

Near the end of the school year, Ellie got super sick--fever, chills, needing so much sleep. We assumed it would go through our entire family like sicknesses normally do. So that Sunday we decided to take advantage of noon church and just let the kids sleep as long as their bodies would. Holland and Darcy woke up at normal times, but Miriam kept sleeping. I thought for sure she was super sick too. Miriam woke up after a 11.5 hour night's sleep. She was not sick. Her body just wanted that much sleep. She made it to church on time after rushing to get ready. She was very well rested. Too well rested with too much energy. That girl would not stop talking to me during Sacrament meeting and all through church. I actually moved away on the bench from her because I thought it would be better for her to sit between her little sisters so she wouldn't be as eager to make all of the comments to them. It was hilarious and kind of frustrating. Glad she wasn't sick though.

The end of school came! I was so happy to have my girls all home with me! We spent the afternoon looking at their school yearbooks. That was hilarious. Miriam had annotated hers extensively because of course she had. I got to see a visual of how she felt about a lot of the people she knew in middle school. (stars, crossing out eyes, etc.) I am not that worried about her. :) The girls even showed me some of their crushes which was so fun for me. They never tell me their crushes, which feels little insulting. That night the middle YW class made treats at our house and used out patio for their activity. They kept calling our house fancy because of the touch faucet and egg holder.

During their activity, John and I worked on constructing our sunroom which was so exciting. The pallet holding the sunroom kit had been rained on so much that spring that I was worried that there might be damage. But it all worked! the only problem was with one door's rollers, but it was replaced when we sent an email and waited for it to come in the mail. I had an idea of what we wanted to do in the sunroom--curtains for changing, swimsuit spinner, cafe lights, pool toy storage, space for drying towels and wet swimwear, and just other swim storage. I just really didn't want my bedroom to be the place for all of the gear and towels like it had been every summer before that. I also wanted it to be pretty. I scoured the internet, and landed on my inspo pic which I have included here. We debated about ordering all of the stuff for it or waiting to postpone spending more money. Ultimately we decided to just got for it so we could enjoy it for the summer. Less than $1k later we were outfitted. I don't think we put it all together until June though so I'll wait to talk about that. It was great though!

I went for a girls' night with my sisters in May. We met at Kayla's house, and she gave us all gifts for Mother's Day. Giving gifts is Kayla's love language. She gave us a lovely silk scarf, a shawl, and an awesome foot exfoliator. So so nice of her. We got Indian food at place in Bountiful, and it was hilarious. We enjoyed their food a lot. I actually loved the mutter mushroom. We were eating and chatting, but were startled when we essentially got kicked out at 8:30 because they were closing. I have never seen that before, closing at 8:30 on a Saturday night and all of the customers have to be gone at that time. It was so funny. We drove around Bountiful and enjoyed the sunset. Then we chatted at Kayla's house until it was too late, and we all headed home. What a fun night!

One Sunday I joined John for a ministering visit. It was so nice to just hold hands be together while we walked over. That day Ellie had given a YW lesson on marriage. She started with a clip from the Princess Bride. She also shared a lot of scriptures about how men and women need each other. One of my favorite parts of her lesson were the handouts she gave. There were really great thoughts like "The goal is to laugh forever with someone who takes you seriously." And "Love needs action. Trust needs proof. Sorry needs change." Those thoughts have really stuck with me.

Why are some of those peonies white this year??

Brielle's bday party was darling! Erica really has a way with these little kids.

Sun room!!

Getting closer!

Sunroom inspo pic.

Are you kidding me? She is the sweetest!

Summer task list/Goal sheet/Bucket List

We made all this! Okay, not the house, or the world, but still. :)

Sun cover for the boat!

Enjoying the warmer weather in the sandbox.

We finally got all of the pool equipment set up. John did all the plumbing. It was amazing! We took of the winter cover on a pleasantly warm day. We hosed off the cover and left it in the front yard to let it dry. Can you see where we left it for a couple of hours? :( We felt so stupid that we solarized all of our new clover. Fortunately it came back okay, and it looked normal with a couple of weeks. We topped off the water, cleaned and added chemicals, and it was time for our first swim! This was such a fun moment. The pool felt so big and deep. The water and the new floaties were just so happy.

We had a delightful swim and was about to get out when the girls decided to do a handstand contest. Miriam came down from her hand stand and landed on our new robot vacuum which we had stupidly left in the pool. She split open her foot and was bleeding profusely. We decided that she needed to go see the doctor. So we used the after care hours pediatrician for the first (but not last) time that summer.

Fortunately it was the close office that was open that night, and we barely made it in time. Everyone was so nice, and it seemed like everyone in the office wanted to come take a look at her foot. They decided it needed stitches. They tried putting some numbing ointment on it to help with the pain stitches, but it was too callused to make a difference. They tried a couple of times, and we waited forever, but it was no use.

She ended up laying on her stomach and just gripping my hand like crazy to help deal with the pain. The doctor thought the numbing had worked because she was so still but when he got a look at her face and her silent tears, he knew that she had just had amazing self control to hold still. They wrapped it and told her not to get it very wet or put weight on it for 10 days. That doesn't sound like a lot but 10 days with a brand new pool and a boat that was new to us felt like an eternity. We got her a knee scooter, and I piggy backed her up and down the stairs. I was pretty proud of myself for being strong enough to carry her around on my back several times a day without injuring myself. The next day Darcy took such good care of Miriam including making her a get well card and praying for her. Her friend Maelle made her macaroons and a get well card.

Miriam watched shows while we swam the next 10 days. It was such a bummer. We even took out the boat to practice our new skills and she was just careful to not get her foot wet. She took baths and left her foot out. It was so fun to take the boat out though. The trickiest part for me is starting the boat and backing it out of the trailer and also driving it up to the dock and trailer. I got better as the summer went on. Writing about this now makes me feel nervous. I hope I can still do it this summer if we get a turn with boat. Marc and I are alternating summers.

We had the Cavallini twins come swim one day at the end of May. They and Adrianne ended up staying for dinner. They are such cute little friends for Holland. And I love that they are so inclusive of Darcy. At the end of the summer they actually moved to Germany to live with their dad while their older siblings who are triplets moved to Utah to live with their mom (the parents are still married, just working on two different continents). Those triplets ended up being some of Miriam's best friends.

We also started our Summer lists and schedule. I decided to do it a little different this year. I really tried to minimize how much the kids had to do. What I really wanted was more intentional time with them. So I tried to make the lists as small as possible. We also each picked out three goals for the summer to work on. We also made a bucket list for the play that we wanted to make sure happened. And our biggest twist. I told them that I wasn't going to take them to the library at all that summer. I was tired of competing with fiction for family time. There was shock and disappointment, but it ended up being great. Even the kids agreed. And to make an incentive for the lists to not take all day, we made a rule that if you got your stuff done by 12:30 every day during the week we would go for a Friday Treat Take Out. Obviously everyone loved that. I think we did it every week. Not every girl made it every week, but they still liked it. Our first Friday treat take out was to Freddy's to get frozen custard. It was a hit! I had this system questioned by someone I respect at the end of the summer. She told me I was parenting the kids they way I wanted to, not the way they needed. This was so hurtful. While it may be true, I have to engage in motherhood in the way that feels true and right for me, even if it isn't as ideal as it could be for each of my children. Months later I can say that with peace. I am not perfect but I am doing my best. And I dare someone to find someone who cares or tries harder with her kids than I do. Feeling spicy, can you tell? I know my kids probably will need therapy (heaven knows I do), but I feel like that was unavoidable. If it wasn't this it would be something else. I adore my children, and they are my top priority. Just for the record.