The Worst, Best Day Ever!

I feel like there is too much to tell about Baby Holland's birth to fit into one post, but I will try. It really was the worst best day of my life so far. To really understand the irony of this story, you have to know that I am all about modern medication--this is especially true when it comes to childbirth. John and I joke, "Would you get a tooth pulled without painkillers? Then why would you have another intense medical procedure without painkillers?" We probably were a little almost prideful about how silly we thought everyone was that chooses to not get an epidural or have the baby at home. Actually the more I think about it, the more I am sure that is it. Seriously, anytime I have passed judgement on anything, it comes back to bite me. This is clearly no exception. Anyway, the point is that I would never, ever, in a thousand years choose to go through childbirth "naturally" (or sans epidural). In fact, I was all about getting induced. I was in active labor with Eliza for a full two days before the contractions were close enough to go to the hospital. Two days of contractions and I was just dilated to a 3. Despite this, I was admitted to the hospital and given my epidural. Blessed relief! With Miriam I chose to be induced. It was awesome! I went into the hospital at 2 pm and got plugged into the Pitocin and epidural and 8 hours later I had a baby. It was great! I never felt a hard contraction!

So when it came to baby Holland, I really wanted to be induced again. However, I found out early in this pregnancy that they really don't induce here until 41 weeks. It is a hospital rule. Well, after having contractions here and there and being at a 3 for a few weeks before my due date, I was just glad that we made it to when my mom was in town to take care of our kids while we were at the hospital.

Leaving to go to the hospital!

So the day after my mom arrived, I had a doctor's appointment, and she offered to strip my membranes. I decided to go ahead and try it because I was pretty convinced that Holland was going to be significantly bigger than my other two, and I didn't want to go overdue and have a massive baby. So I went for it, which for the record wasn't as painful or uncomfortable as everyone made it out to be. As I was talking to the doctor after though, she agreed to schedule me to be induced in two days. She said my cervix was favorable and because I had other children that I needed arrange care for that we could schedule it. Well alright. Since I had my membranes stripped anyway, I thought I might as well give it a go and go on a brisk walk to see if my contractions would start being more regular. So naive! Since I live in Phoenix, and it get pretty hot in May (triple digits, for sure), walking briskly (aside from the gym) meant going to Costco and walking briskly around the outer ring of the store for about a half an hour. Honestly I don't even remember what I did the rest of the day, but that evening the contractions started.

Right after birth. I am amazed that I don't look more traumatized!

I really didn't want to go to the hospital prematurely. I knew to wait until my contractions were 2 to 4 minutes apart and lasting about 1 minute in duration. I also made sure to lie down to make sure that the contractions remained consistent in any position. I waited until they were pretty painful. I waited until all of this criteria was met before considering going to the hospital. As I understood it, these are the signs you look for in order to know that you are in active labor. So I went to the hospital completely confident that I was in active labor.

Unusually sleepy baby because of the sleeping pills they gave me.

So my contractions really started getting regular and painful around 9 pm, but we didn't leave to go the hospital until about 1:30 am. The hospital I delivered at isn't particularly close to our apartment. It is on the other side of downtown Phoenix. So as I was anticipating delivering my baby, I was regularly nervous that we would get caught in the horrible Phoenix rush hour traffic, and we wouldn't be able to make it to the hospital on time. So it was really nice to drive to the hospital around 2 in the morning and have no traffic at all.

Teeny tiny toes! Indescribably grateful that she wasn't a bigger baby!

We arrived at the hospital and had to answer a bunch of questions before I could even be admitted to the nurse triage (despite having preregistered). Finally I got checked--still dilated to a three! There was one doctor in the entire practice that I go to that I had yet to meet. Of course this was the doctor on call that night. Well I still haven't met her. The nurse just played go-between telling us what the doctor wanted us to do. Well the first instruction was to walk around the hospital for an hour to see if I would continue to dilate.

Falling in love with her already!

So we walked the hospital from lower level two to floor 14 (I actually don't remember specifically how many floors there were, but it was something like that). At first it wasn't so bad. I tried to walk somewhat briskly, but this quickly turned into just trying to keep moving. My contractions at this point were not something I could walk through or even talk through. Every single time we went on the elevator (between all those floors!) I had a hard contraction. And it felt like I couldn't walk more than a few yards without having to stop and endure a contraction. Needless to say, this hour of 'walking' was quite torturous. John and I somewhat cynically joked that when we got back I would still probably be at the three, and this would all be for nothing. However we didn't really expect that at all. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened. I couldn't believe it!

Proud daddy! This whole experience was pretty traumatic for John too! Good thing we got a beautiful baby girl out of it! :) 

When they checked me, and I was still dilated to a three, the doctor (who I never met) decided to send me home with 2 Ambien. Basically the nurse said that it was a sleeping pill that would let me get some rest, and would either speed up or slow down my contractions depending on whether I was in active labor or not. Well, I certainly didn't need a sleeping pill. I was exhausted after being up all night and walking around in horrific pain. It is funny that since then, I have heard some weird things about that sleeping pill. Apparently, it can make people sleep walk and act really strange.  The only side-effect I was warned of by the nurse was that if I had the baby while still under the influence of the Ambien then my baby would be extra sleepy and wouldn't really have the typical newborn awake period right after birth. This was definitely true for us.

Will not wake up--stupid Ambien. Sweet baby though!

John and I both have the type of personality that avoids rocking the boat. This has generally served us well, but we have to admit we made the wrong choice at this point. I took the two pills like I was supposed to, and was almost in tears when I asked the nurse how I would know when to come back to the hospital. She responded that when I couldn't walk or talk through the pain of the contraction, which she added that it looked like I was about there. (But they sent me home anyway?!?!) Well, at this point we really should have spoken up and rocked the boat. I couldn't even walk ten feet without having an extremely painful contraction. I was exhausted, discouraged, and in so much pain. We should have spoken up and said that we weren't going anywhere, but we could wait in the waiting room, if they would prefer. John's mom told me that she did that with her oldest. She insisted that she had spent first 9 months of pregnancy at home, and she was going to spend the rest of it at the hospital. Awesome! I wish I had had that much spunk!

Meeting baby sister for the first time!

The way to the car was so discouraging, and it wasn't even that far! I stopped and sat in the waiting room for about 20 minutes. Then we had to walk down a hall to the door that was connected to the parking garage. By the time we made it to the parking garage I was in tears! (The only time I cried during this whole experience!) I just had to sit on the floor on the parking garage and wait for John to go get the car because I couldn't walk any further. Seriously, we should have gone back in there and made a commotion! 

Ellie loved the baby, but it was really Miriam that adored on the baby. (She didn't have a name at this point.)

Well eventually I got in the car, and I ended up sleeping most of the 20 minute or so drive back home. I don't even remember arriving home, walking up the stairs, and collapsing in bed. I do remember being woken up by painful contractions regularly, but I was way, way too groggy to pay attention to how far apart they were or how long they were lasting. John was exhausted too from his sleepless night and just remember me crying out/groaning regularly. I distinctly remember reaching a point when I decided that enough was enough, and we were going back to the hospital. Thank goodness! One of the scariest things to me about this whole experience is what if I had been too groggy to make that kind of decision?! It terrifies me to think of what would have happened if we had waited any longer! Unplanned home birth? Or better yet...delivering on the side of the freeway? I dearly love my husband, but he is no medical professional, and I don't want him to be the one delivering our babies, especially road side.

Playing on Daddy's cot. It was nice they brought him in a fold-up bed. We were told on our hospital tour that it was possible I would have to share a room, which would mean that John couldn't stay with me. So glad it didn't work out that way!

We got out of bed and tried to get some food and head back to the hospital. Walking around was more challenging than you might think considering that I couldn't hardly walk more than a few steps without a serious, hard contraction. John was going to get a bowl of cereal, but just ended up grabbing a box of cheerios to munch on in the car.

Loving on her baby sister! Such a special time!

That car ride was miraculous and torturous! It was almost exactly 8 am when we got on the freeway. It was exactly what I had feared--trying to rush to the hospital during rush hour traffic. We were so blessed though because John was able to cross the lanes quickly and stay in the car pool lane the entire way to the exit we had to take. It was not quite normal freeway speeds, but it was much, much quicker than if we hadn't been able to take the car pool lane. I felt so blessed that John had been given the experience in the last year and a half to traverse the crazy traffic quickly and safely. I would have been unable to do that, even without being in labor.

So grateful for my mom! She took care of our older girls and helped us out a lot in the next few weeks!

The torturous part of the car ride was learning the hard way that groaning loudly or yelling didn't help me get through the pain at all. I had one card up my sleeve to turn to in order to get through natural childbirth. It was mentioned in the childbirth class (probably along with some other things that I don't remember because I thought I would never need them--ha!) that we took before we had Ellie more than six years ago. It was the breathing technique--hee, hee, hoo (for lack of a better way to describe it). Concentrating on this breathing exercise got me through. It also really helped when John did the breathing with me. If I had known, I definitely would have paid closer attention during that part of the class!

Family of five!!!

We made it to the hospital (thank heavens!), and tried to walk in. Fortunately there were more people around that time of day and someone offered to get me a wheel chair (bless them!). So I was pushed to the same check-in station we had been at only a few hours before. My contractions were much harder and closer together at this time, so answering questions proved nearly impossible. I just kept thinking, I just answered these questions a couple of hours ago! Can't you just admit me and give me an epidural?!! John answered them though, and they sent us through to triage.

Baby Holland's first bath! These nurses came in a few times during the evening and night to see if it was a good time to bathe the baby. It ended up working out around 4 am!

The nurses in the triage acted very normal and happy until I got checked to see how far along I was--9.5 cm. At this point things started to get a little crazy! The nurse seemed a little panicked. She yelled to page Dr. Jackson and to prep the delivery room now! She told me that I needed to let her know if the baby was coming out so she could put on a glove to catch our baby. At this point I was rushed down the halls of the hospital, flat on a gurney. It was an experience I never really imagined having. Nurses running with me on the bed. One sprinted ahead to open doors. John running by my side. Even now it is one of the most vivid memories of this whole experience, although it seems a bit surreal.

Almost exactly 24 hours old! What an angel!

We reached the delivery room, and immediately I started asking every nurse that came close enough if I could have a epidural. Each one of them diverted my question, until finally John said, "Honey, I think we are too late for that." This was not what I wanted to hear. However, it was quite true. I heard them say that they didn't have time to put in an IV. Another blessing--with the other two girls, I was positive for the Group B Strep bacteria. That meant that I had to have antibiotics for a couple of hours before birth. With Holland, I was surprised to find out that I was negative. What a tender mercy!

I am in baby heaven! I seriously love babies!I would have 100 if it weren't for the stress of having to raise them to adulthood.

I don't remember this next part. I was too caught up in the pain of childbirth, but apparently my doctor walked in and saw all of the nurses running around somewhat chaotic (one even said, "She's crowning!" in a panicked tone) and announced, "Okay, we are going to have a controlled delivery." John says this caused the room to immediately get calmer and more organized.

Did we seriously just have our third child?!

During this I was still doing my breathing exercise, holding John's hand, and nearly ripping the arm off of the poor nurse by my side (she was the nurse that checked me in triage). She helped me a lot during the delivery. She kept saying encouraging things to me, which was surprisingly helpful. I feel bad that she disappeared before I could thank her.

Newborn yawn.

It was interesting to me that it was quite suddenly I could feel the baby's head about to come out. I felt like there was no warning and then all of the sudden she was there. One nurse announced, "She's pushing," which I wasn't yet. But at this point, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and just wanted to push her out. They told me to stop pushing in order to give my body time to stretch a bit. But it was difficult to conscientiously make my body stop pushing.  My water broke one minute before Holland was born. It turns out that I was in the delivery room for a full 7 minutes before Holland was born. Only 7 minutes! On the one had, I feel like it was really nice for me that it was relatively short, but I still start to feel a little panicky when I think about how close we cut it. Ironically, during these 7 minutes, the hospital called our phone and left a message about scheduling my induction for the following morning. :)

Love the newborn facial expressions!

We didn't have hardly any warning that the baby was about to come out. It felt like it was one right after another--feeling the baby's head there to water breaking to her actually coming out. I guess that is why I get a little freaked out thinking about it. I would have had no idea that I was that close to delivering until I was actually delivering!! Oh, I feel so grateful that we left when we did and nothing prevented us from getting there in time.

Love the newborn fuzz! I told John today that I hope this is the only time in her life when her shoulder is hairier than the top of her head!

She was born at 8:45 am. It probably took about a half hour to drive to the hospital. So I was probably at the hospital for a total of 15 minutes before my baby was born. Crazy! Can you tell this still freaks me out a little?

Her head looks so small in John's hand!

Holland was 6 lbs 8 oz. Wow, I am extremely grateful that she wasn't any bigger than that. They measured her head as being 13 inches in circumference, which was exactly how big her torso was around too. I was surprised how painful it still was to push out her shoulders. I always assumed that once you got past the head it was easy, but not for me. I continued to be surprised at how painful getting the placenta out was, but the worst was the stitches. They told me that they gave me a morphine shot before starting to sew me up, but it certainly didn't feel like that. Ugh! Despite having my newly born baby to distract me, those stitches were awful! It still makes me sick inside to think about it. Our hospital is a teaching hospital so there was a resident there who did the stitches with my doctor walking her through it. It took forever. Clearly not forever, but it certainly was an effort in endurance for me.

Teeny, tiny toes! They have received a lot kisses in the last few weeks!

Here is the TMI time. (Okay, I realize I am way past that.) The nurse thought I should urinate fairly soon after delivery--she wanted to make sure I could use those muscles I guess. Well, good news is that I could, but the bad news was that it was excruciating to pee all over my freshly stitched body. Yee-ouch!!

Maybe my favorite hospital picture? What a sweetheart!

I know that I am going on and on about how painful everything was, but I have never been in so much pain before. It is not like I am about to go into the nitty, gritty details with everyone who asks how my delivery was, so I have to write it down somewhere as proof I went through this. :)

Also, I clearly have forgotten or maybe it was worse this time about how painful recovery was. I have seriously been in more pain this month than I can describe. I am confident that if I am ever going to be stung by a scorpion, it would be now because that it just how my body is rolling these days. I really should just be grateful about how healthy and pain free my life normally is.

Pleasantly surprised at the view from my hospital room.

Well, she was out, a little sleepier than normal, but otherwise healthy. What a blessing! We fell in love immediately! We think she looks surprisingly like Ellie as a newborn, but occasionally we see mainly Miriam in her face. It will be interesting to watch her face grow into her own look.

Starting to get ready to go home!

Since she was born relatively early in the day we went home the next day after lunch. It felt unusual to go home the day after she was born, but we were anxious to get home.

Her grumpy face in this shot is pretty priceless!

I have to say one of the most stressful things about this hospital stay was that we still didn't have a name picked out!! We didn't decide on her name until an hour or two before we left the hospital. The hospital staff kept asking us throughout that day and a half if we had decided yet. Nope, not yet. :)

There, not so grumpy!

We finally did though, Holland Kylee Pearson! I more picked her first name, and John more picked her middle name. Miriam didn't like the name at all and thought it sounded like a boy's name. "Why can't we name her something that we all like, Mommy?" She was pretty set on Rosie. Sorry kid.

Oh I love her!

My mom brought the girls to come meet little Holly the afternoon after she was born. They were both pretty excited to meet her, but Miriam was definitely the more enchanted of the two. Eliza was probably equally thrilled about a birthday party she had gone to that morning. :)

So tiny in the car seat!

They are both such good big sisters though. Whenever she is crying, they try to rock her or sing to her to make her feel better. They love taking turns holding her. It is interesting to me that over the last few weeks I have had more behavior problems with Ellie than Miriam. This is definitely opposite of what I expected. I think Miriam is so in love with her baby sister that it is smoothing out the rough edges a bit.

My mom has stayed with us for the last few weeks. So this upcoming week is the first week I am actually a mom to three children. Wish me luck! Mostly I am just so grateful to have this new addition to our family. We already can't imagine our lives without her!